A Sweet Beginning

Last night after stories in bed, just like we do every night, I picked Oliver up and carried him to the light switch so that he could have the very honorable job of Turning Off The Light.  I groaned as I heaved him up into my arms, but I will never not enjoy the feeling of his warm, tired body resting on mine.  I often call him "my baby" as I carry him from his bed to the doorway and back, but he noticed this time and was quick to correct me:
"I not a baby, I a boy Mommy!"
"Oh yes, I know you are a boy, but you are still my baby too.  Did you know that?"
We were now at the light switch but on the dresser below it was one of my favorite pictures of our brand new family, taken when Oliver was only 5 weeks old.  I picked it up to show him and of course, I could feel my throat tighten up.
Oh, how I loved that baby Oliver.

I couldn't have loved him more, but boy, I had no idea how that love could grow.  I look at his 5 week old face and I think about all the mystery that he came with.  All that unknown that is now known.  In the picture, he is resting on my shoulder and his feet barely dangle past my chest -which is just crazy since in this present moment, I can feel his foot brushing against my knee....how did we get here?


The cool thing was that the picture frame was actually a box that held an entire album.  Oliver was still a little confused about this whole baby thing since he kept pointing to the picture and saying "Mama, Dada and Elliott", so I pulled out the little book to show him more.  The pictures were all from a photo shoot that we had done one hot, summer evening here in Davis (courtesy of our very talented photographer friend Jenna Armstrong). We sat down on the bed and as we flipped through the 50 or so pictures, Oliver asked me about each one.  At first, he would continue to identify the pictures of himself as Elliott, but I continued to correct him and then, I saw the light go on in his cute little head and I think he got it.  I don't even know what is so significant about this moment, but I felt privileged to get to be a witness.  I believe that on some level, he understood for the first time that he was a little baby at one time, that he was that baby, and that he has grown and changed from that tiny baby into the boy that he now sees in the mirror.  It was as if a new realm was unveiled to him as he began to grasp the concept of time and growing up and change. In silence, he slowly and carefully studied each picture before turning the page and I could see that there were some serious wheels turning.  He asked funny questions like "why he crying?" and "where this place?" but my favorite thing that he said over and over again as he looked at those sweet pictures was "Mommy soooooo happy!"

And maybe that was it for me....maybe that was the significance of the moment:
What I think Oliver saw in those pictures is simply that he made his father and I very happy and that he was deeply loved from the beginning of his life and that we would continue to love him no matter how big he gets.  For myself (and I believe for most parents) this is exactly what I desperately want my kids to know, but fear that they never will.  I hope that I will get to have years as his mother to remind him of these truths but I am so thankful for this sweet beginning that we had last night, my little boy and I.

 So....

 ...hard

...to believe.

All of these pictures are courtesy of Jenna Marie Photography